Chapter 50

Elyana's Point of View We were already on our way twenty minutes before ten. My chest was pounding with nervousness as Felicity drove the car to the meeting place. Felicity was silent, like he knew I should prepare my mind first before facing my ex-husband. So, I took that chance to have an internal monologue to sort out which questions were to be asked and which were not. We reached the restaurant at nearly ten o'clock. Felicity parked right in front, where he could see through inside. He was also the one who picked the table where Lucas and I could sit and what parking space was perfect enough for him to observe. "See? I told you not to rush. He's not even here yet," Felicity shrilly said while raising his eyebrow. He was looking through the restaurant, and just like me, we didn't see any signs that Lucas had already arrived before us. I looked around to check if he wasn't there yet, and just right after I turned my head to the right, a black Mercedes Benz arrived. It parked just right next to us, and when the door opened, my eyes widened to see the man we were looking for. The sight of him made my heart pound, but I was aware it wasn't because I got excited to see him again. Yes, I couldn't deny the fact that he looked nice that day. He cleanly shaved his beard, and he appeared to look younger for his age. It brought back memories as I stared at him. I first saw him at a business meeting, but those memories only made me regret that day. Lucas closed the door, and I closed my eyes when I felt my heart start aching. I took a deep breath and looked away, turning my head to my best friend to tell him I needed him. When our eyes met, I saw anger written in his eyes. His jaw was moving as he gritted his teeth at that time, and I got distracted when worry tried to cover me. With how he looked at him, the first thing I thought was that he would come out to attack him. I suddenly remembered he told me he would shave Lucas's head, and before he could think of doing it, I tried to calm him up. "D-don't dare come out now," I warned him. I saw how he loosened up his grip on the steering wheel while following Lucas, who was already entering the establishment. We were both speechless for a moment, calming our heads to prevent doing anything that would cause commotion. We both let the time pass inside the car and it was already 10:16 a.m. when Felicity broke the silence. "Are you ready?" I turned to him, and I saw him looking at me with concern. Frankly, his question made my heart sink. I wanted to tell him not yet, but I knew that as time passed, that nervousness would eventually grow. I returned my gaze to Lucas, who seemed busy with his phone. He wasn't typing, but all he did was check it from time to time like he was waiting for someone else to call or message. 'I was certain it was Diane; he was waiting. Maybe he misses her already and he couldn't wait to return to where she was.' 'What am I thinking?' I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and after a while, unlocked the door on my side. "I'm ready," I replied, and without waiting for Felicity's answer, I went out. "I'll be just here!" I heard Bakla scream before I completely shut the door. I took the chance Lucas wasn't looking and I made my way to the restaurant carrying the thought I was there to talk to him so he could finally leave to be with his woman. I saw Lucas turn his head towards me, but I pretended not to see him right away. I smiled sweetly at the waiter, who asked me if I had reservations, and when he gestured his hand on the table, that was the moment I looked at Lucas to meet his eyes and erase that sweet smile. Lucas seemed to panic when I started walking toward him. He hurriedly stood up from his seat and pulled me into a chair. I slightly grin at his action. His gentlemanliness was indeed blinding. I wonder how Diane would react once she found out—or maybe she knew and that meeting was all her idea. "Thanks," I uttered before sitting on the chair. "You're welcome," he answered almost in a whisper, and it sent shivers down my spine. I tried my best to erase that feeling by closing my eyes and turning my head to the car where I left my best friend to take some strength from him that way. The day was long, and I didn't want to be affected that fast by that simple gesture. Lucas went back to his seat, and I waited for him to start, but he didn't seem to have any intention of speaking yet. He just kept looking at me, and it was hard to catch his gaze like he was playing around. I gazed at him, and he lowered his head. "Let us not waste our time here," I told him. An eyebrow was slightly raised, and with how I spoke every word, I knew all were sharp in his ears. I did it on purpose because I wanted to be rough so that he couldn't immediately read what was inside my head because, at that moment, my heart was struggling. I want to use that chance to show him how much pain he has caused me through my words and eyes. "Speak, Lucas. What do you want to tell me?" I continued with the same tone when it seemed he still didn't have a plan to tell me why he asked for that meeting. "I—-I want you back!" I froze. I tried to process it as fast as I could. I repeated it in my head a couple of times before a grin formed. I chuckled out of disbelief. It seemed like I heard the funniest joke that ever existed. I suddenly laughed. Loud enough to catch other people's attention. My cheeks were burning, and my stomach was coitizing. There was a pain inside me, but the laughter became a mask to cover that feeling. 'I should be happy, right?' My ex-husband wants me back after cheating on me for more than one and a half years of our five-year marriage. The same person who told me his reason for cheating was because I couldn't give him a child "C-can you hear yourself?" I asked in the middle of laughing out loud, but at this moment, my anger was already boiling. "How stupid—-" My chin started trembling. I bit my lower lip to stop it however, it only got worse until I couldn't any longer hold back the heaviness in my heart. The corners of both my eyes were heating up. Tears were about to fall anytime soon. I wanted to leave that place already. I was thinking of running out of that restaurant, but my feet seemed so heavy that I couldn't lift them. 'Bakla!' I called my best friend in my head. 'Take me out of this place now, please!' I silently prayed. I looked at the parking area where I left him. I secretly gave him a signal. "I-I'm very sorry for what I did, Ellie. I only did all those things to save you from Diane." The tears that were about to fall at that moment got postponed when I heard this. I turned back to him, raising an eyebrow. "W-what did you say? Y-you saved me from Diane?" I repeated his words. Even though I was stuttering, I tried to speak to make sure I heard what he said clearly. "Yes—Diane wanted to hurt you—she blackmailed me—-" My right hand flew right on his cheeks. It was more like an involuntary movement; I found myself already standing with my arm to reach his face. I knew people were looking at us at that time because I heard people's reactions not far away from us. It was embarrassing, I know, but I didn't care that much anymore. That guy thought I needed a knight in shining armor. I guessed he thought I would be happy to know that he flirted with someone else to protect me. They slept together while he was married to me. They did things while he went home and pretended nothing was happening behind me, and the most disgusting part is that he also made love to me during those times. "D-do you think I'm dumb?" I asked, stammering as I closed the fist of the hand I used to slap him with. What kind of rescue was that? He saved me from Diane, but he didn't even think of the consequences of that or how I would feel. Did he even imagine how hurt I was? I saw them with my own eyes. He was answering her kisses. He was not being forced! "I-I'm telling the truth, Ellie," he told me, turning his head to look straight into my eyes. The cheek I slapped was slowly turning red, leaving a mark of my hand on his skin. "D-do you think I will believe that? You cheated! No matter how many times you try to apologize, and no matter what freaking reason you would use as an excuse, you couldn't erase the fact that you cheated—you slept with Diane while you were married to me. She's a woman and you're a man, Lucas! Is that the only means for you to protect someone you love? Huh! To sleep with another woman? To let someone use the body you promised only mine?!" I yelled at him, gasping after not breathing while screaming all those on his face. I waited to hear his words—for him to defend himself—but he preferred just to bow his head to escape. People around us were all looking at us, and my anger wouldn't subside yet because I still had a lot to say to him that I didn't have a chance to do so. I knew I needed that moment. Even my tears were uncontrollably falling down my cheeks, and at times I was already stammering—I didn't care. "I don't need a man who would take stupid measures just to save me. You could have saved our relationship differently, Lucas. I thought you were smart—but it seems your brain wasn't working at all!" I continued. I knew my words were too insulting for his ego, but who cares anyway? He deserved those. "You know what—just go back to Diane." I was about to leave when he suddenly spoke and stopped me. "You don't love me anymore?" My knees suddenly went soft; luckily, there was a table in front. I used it as a tool for me to not lose my balance. He was able to look directly at me at this time. His gaze penetrated my soul as if he were looking for the answer to my core. "I only need a yes and a no as an answer, Ellie. Do you still love me?" he repeated. I tried to weigh my feelings to give him the answer he needed. I looked back on the times we were still married in search of something meaningful and worth it after I chose to marry him. There was no doubt that I still had feelings for him. I wouldn't be staying by his side for five long years without the deepest kind of love. He was the first man, aside from my dad, whom I loved dearly, but I couldn't deny the fact that by then, I was also doing it blindly. I also asked myself if going back to him would erase the pain after what he did, and the answer was clear—no, it wouldn't, and by that moment, I knew what to say. "Yes, maybe I still love you, but that doesn't mean I'm going back to you."